| Fear |
[12 Nov 2009|07:14pm] |
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[21 Aug 2009|12:18pm] |
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I just want school to start. Then fast forward 3 years and I'll be living out west in the desert somewhere.
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[02 Aug 2009|10:39pm] |
"'Oh nobly born, let not thy mind be distracted.' That was the problem - to remain undistracted. Undistracted by the memory of past sins, by imagined pleasure, by the bitter aftertaste of old wrongs and humiliations, by all the fears and hates and cravings that ordinarily eclipse the Light. What those Buddhist Monks did for the dying and the dead, might not the modern psychiatrist do for the insane? Let there be a voice to assure them, by day and even while they are asleep, that in spite of all the terror, all the bewilderment and confusion, the ultimate Reality remains unshakably itself and is of the same substance as the inner light of even the most cruelly tormented mind. By means of such devices as recorders, clock-controlled switches, public address systems and pillow speakers it should be very easy to keep the inmates of even an understaffed institution constantly reminded of this primordial fact. Perhaps a few of the lost souls might in this way be helped to win some measure of control over the universe - at once beautiful and appalling, but always other than human, always totally incomprehensible - in which they find themselves condemned to live."
Sometimes I tell myself that it's no use getting even remotely attached to anyone because they will just end up hurting you, but then I realize that this is a rather sad way to live and view the world. Human interactions can be amazing. Just know and be true to yourself, and you'll be okay.
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| "that was the best song on the cd!" |
[26 May 2009|03:15pm] |
fuck . polish . techno . music
Oh also, today I got my hair cut and I had to babysit Gage over my grandma's house for a couple hours while my sister got hers done, and my grandma said, "You look like one of those Christ-followers who marched around the Colosseum in ancient Rome." She's 88 years old and meant it as a compliment and said it looked pretty, but I'm not quite sure how to take it...
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| mountain freaks in rainbow colored jeeps |
[20 May 2009|07:31pm] |
I don't know why I feel so discontent here. I'm tempted to say I wish I grew up somewhere else, but perhaps it's just in my nature to always feel as if there is something more out there for me. Things have felt different in Ewing since being back. Maybe it's because my best friend isn't here (or going to be here for the rest of the summer really) or maybe it's because I've been bored a lot and miss too many people. I've always dwelt too much on the past. Sometimes I get a few fleeting moments of inspiration and have high hopes for this summer and am motivated to make it memorable, but it just seems so out of reach. I don't even know what constitutes as a "good" summer. I just feel like I haven't really been able to relax since being here. I'm sure this has to do with Gage crying and waking me up early in the morning and because it seems as if I hear fucking lawn services 24/7. The lawnmowers and weed-wackers never stop going, I swear. Oh, the joys of suburbia. I feel let down by a few people. I really need a job because I need funds if I want to do anything even relatively "fun" this summer.
But I guess it's technically not even summer yet. Sorry for the bitching.
LOVE,
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| heavy. |
[28 Apr 2009|10:25pm] |
So, one of my roommates checked herself into the psych ward last week because she was suicidal. It's obvious she's had problems for awhile, and I do feel bad she has to be there, but I guess it's for the best if it will help her. I'm skeptical though, because I don't see how tripling the dose of a patient's anti-depressant medication will help anything in the long run. I do miss her, and a few of us went to go visit her earlier tonight. The hospital she's at isn't too far from the school, and it was a nice night for a little walk. She seems okay. She said she might be getting out on Thursday, but honestly I don't think she should. It just sucks, I want her to be okay. But from what I've picked up she had a horrible childhood and home life, and staying in a mental hospital for one week isn't going to fix anything. If seeing a therapist even works for her, it will take years to get through the psychological damage (if it can even be reversed at all). I just don't understand how some parents can neglect children like that...
Needless to say, there's never a dull moment here. I feel like I'm slowly losing my sanity.
My Int. Politics teacher brought up the "swine flu" yesterday in class and there was a kid sitting in front of me who brought his computer to take notes on. I could see his screen and it said, "This sounds like I Am Legend. The entire world is coming to an end." I thought it was kind of funny. But he also wrote, "THE CIIIIRRRRCCCLLLLLEEEEE OF LIIIIIFFFEEEE!!!" because the teacher casually mentioned something about "the circle of life." Who knows.
(my main goal for this semester has not been accomplished and there is only a little over a week left. damn. sucks)
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| dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum |
[07 Apr 2009|05:34pm] |
Spent the weekend in the mountains of northern Pennsylvania. It was a nice change of (beautiful) scenery, but it's hard for me to spend more than a day with the same people (or people in general.) I wish I didn't criticize things so much...it really hinders my ability to just let go and have a good time. When I got back the room was a disaster, as Molly was there by herself and had parties/people sleep over each night. There were random objects thrown across the room such as a skateboard, a piece of a fence, and a pole, and my bed smelled like blunt guts. Sam also slept in Kate's bed, as she went home for the weekend, and they tried to re-make the bed but it was still obvious. Needless to say, she noticed when she got back and febreezed the shit out of it. Only a few more weeks...
Sense and Sensibility is a really horrible/pointless book that I have to write a paper on by tomorrow morning. There is a kid that I really want to meet but don't want to seem like a creep. That's pretty much it.
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| good ol charlie |
[19 Mar 2009|12:45pm] |
LOS ANGELES (March 19) -- California corrections officials have released a new photograph of convicted mass murderer Charles Manson, who is now bald with a thick gray beard.
The photo of the 74-year-old Manson was taken Wednesday as part of a routine update of files on inmates at Corcoran State Prison, where he is serving a life sentence for conspiring to murder seven people, said Seth Unger, spokesman for the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation.
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[19 Jan 2009|11:46pm] |
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I think this will be friends only for the most part from now on, so if by some chance you read this yet we are not FRIENDS add meee
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| it's |
[12 Jan 2009|09:46pm] |
who, not where.
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| narnia |
[13 Dec 2008|12:41pm] |
i remember someone said i looked like this girl, like, a year ago. then last night someone said it again.
i guess i see it. the eyebrows/forehead are off though.
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[10 Dec 2008|06:22pm] |
gahhhhh i just wanna talk to like, 3 people
it's so frustrating
i feel like i'm waiting for something that's never even going to happen.
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| zahtop |
[05 Dec 2008|03:35pm] |
one won't talk.
i don't even know two.
this has been cracking me up the past couple days:
i'm kind of obsessed with watching youtube videos of people on various drugs. check out the intervention episode with the girl who huffs computer duster if you haven't seen it.
that's pretty much it! 2 weeks until i'm home for winter break! still have to do my 15 page paper though...
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[28 Oct 2008|11:32am] |
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taking the train back to st. joe's from center city at 11:15pm is probably nottttt the best thing to do on a night when the phillie's could have potentially won the world series. anyway, hope everyone is well.
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| http://www.nativehealer.net/ufo_prophecy |
[25 Oct 2008|03:53pm] |
"Man does not govern Nature, Nature governs mankind. Human laws are temporary but the Creator’s Laws are permanent. This is a cosmic reality. The first time the world was purified by fire, the second time it was purified by water, the third time it will be purified by the Earth itself. Those who harm, hurt, torment, molest, pollute, and desecrate the Earth will be penalized according to ancient natural laws. Be forewarned of the following omens and subsequent events"
26. Sometime during years 2010-2030 there might be a massive invasion from outer space involving beings from another solar system and other planets. The aliens will be much more advanced than the Earth people-humans in terms of science, technology, psychic development, spirituality, and government. The extraterrestrial beings will come in two different skin colors; some will be a very pale white color, and the other groups will be brownish skin colored. They will bring a new planetary religion to the Earth, and peace, balance, and high scientific advancement. As a result, the Earth people will all be united under a common religion for another 1000 years or more of harmonious and affluent living for all. Interplanetary travel and intergalactic exchange will become a reality comparable to the social events now depicted in science fiction books and movies.
i don't know about you, but i'm pretty stoked. the future might not be so bad afterall!
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[24 Oct 2008|01:15am] |
well i'm on my way, don't know where i'm goin, i'm on my way
love you all for real
tina i fucking miss you
this is taking me so long
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[25 Sep 2008|07:23pm] |
A few days ago this kid who is in two of my classes, after one class, asked me if I liked the other. (Does that make sense?) I said no, and then he proceeded to say that he figured I didn't, because he could see my notes. I got kind of scared because I write really random/weird stuff all over my notebooks and shit, so I asked him what he saw.
"You were writing 'shut the fuck up' all over your notebook."
I began to laugh, because that's really funny that he saw that. But yeah....now he knows how I feel. But is that kind of creepy he was looking at my paper?
Also, someone told me I should get a lip ring.
College is WILD
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